


Silence

by beltainefaerie



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: M/M, Post Reichenbach
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-02
Updated: 2013-01-02
Packaged: 2017-11-23 11:04:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/621421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beltainefaerie/pseuds/beltainefaerie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock Holmes contemplates the silence while he is destroying Moriarty's web.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Silence

I used to demand silence. It helped me think. 

There is nothing helpful in this silence. It isn’t like being alone at Baker Street. There are moments when I find it hard to breathe without your breath beside me or the clack of the keys as you type our cases. It is ridiculous. There is no reason that my own biological functioning should be effected by your presence or absence at all. It is infuriating. I treasure pulling things apart and putting them back together, facts, neatly arranged. This doesn’t work that way.

Alone may protect me and moreover may protect you, but it feels like withdrawal. I begin to wonder if cocaine would dull it, but I am sure my doctor would object. Loathe to admit such sentiment as I am, I still find that I miss you. I have tried to reason it out any other way. It isn’t physical location, for we know I can make my deductions anywhere, my mind being always with me. It isn’t the regular food and sleep. I know. I tried to replicate that care and it did not help. I can think about such things, you know. So other factors eliminated, I am quite sure. It is just you.

There are times when this silence seems full to overflowing with your pain and moreover, the knowledge that I have caused it. I have spent my life caring little, if at all, to causing others grief. Results matter. Answers matter. But this is different. I should put this feeling in a jar labeled guilt and file it away to examine later. It isn’t relevant and it shouldn’t help me solve this any faster. Sentiment slows one down and caring is not an advantage, as my dear brother has so frequently pointed out. But I have noticed two factors of late. The first is that my brother, however often he may say that, is unable to stop caring for me, advantage or no. The second is that I shoot far more accurately when I allow a bit of this guilt and sense of missing you to guide my hand.


End file.
